Nabila

BLURB: Sarah Amani is a Worldsmith. At eighteen, she accidentally conjured a mythical world she called Lagenda from her mind with the help of a past lover, Malik. 

Five years had passed and she was on a straight path to healing and moving on. She made sure nobody could enter Lagenda again and only allowed people to come in as wanderers by giving them petals as tickets. It was her way of ensuring that Lagenda remained hers without destroying it. Just when she thought she could leave her past, she was invited back into the world with a note saying "You know what to do. -M".

She had to go back to Lagenda to make sure the person who sent her the note could not take the world from her. What Amani found is that Lagenda was not as abandoned as she thought it was. Determined to save her world from being exploited and smeared more than how it already is, she sets to burn every door and relic holding the world together. If she cannot keep Lagenda, nobody should. But it seemed that the person who sent her the note had other plans. 

Together with her trusty dagger, Misya, her sister, a stubborn historian called Najmi and all the misfits she never dreamed of collaborating with, she would find herself propelling straight to her dark past and beloved world.

Erasers are nice and pretty. But in life, sometimes you have to take a pen and write over the things you want to fix. Just cross out the things you don't like and write a new string of words. There is no time to erase, not enough erasers in the world. No time for perfection in moving on, just action.

Genre: Young Adult, Magical Realism, Fiction
Goodreads rating: 3.87
Pages: 585
Publication: February 22nd 2022 by Whitecoat Group Sdn. Bhd

Source: Popular Bookstore
Book links: Iman Shoppe Bookstore | Shopee 
Reading format: Paperback

Review type: Non-spoilery

I wrote a review right after I finished reading this book on Goodreads at 12.00AM, but it was not well thought out, so here I am rewriting a review for this book because this book was very meaningful for me to not be mentioned in my blog.

This book was a deeply emotional book that centres around the topics of healing, finding your way back to yourself and God, what closure really looks like, forgiveness and letting go. Interestingly, this book is also a magical realism, set in a world with people with knacks, and some even have the ability to create a whole other magical world. And for this book specifically, we have the main character, Amani, who created a world called Lagenda.

First and foremost, despite being a magical realism, this book is a fictional self-help book at its core. With so many touching lines about healing and the way some important topics, such as abuse, relationships and forgiveness with one's self were beautifully written, it was proven that N.F. Afrina has a way with words. There was so much power imbued in the way those important topics were written, but they are also written in metaphors and pretty lines, which enables the book to touch the souls of us readers, but also delicate enough to not break those who can relate to the main character's experiences. For me personally, these topics were well done and are the highlights of this book.

The beauty of this book was also its curse; it was not the plethora of metaphors that became a problem, but the disorganised way they were laid out. It's one thing to have niche writing, and it's one thing to have a disorganised one, to the point that the readers have problems in recognising where we were in the story, and understanding the world and its magic system. Personally, I think it's fine that the author spent so much time inserting metaphors here and there. I agree that those will beautify the book, but at the same time, the world-building felt a little bit abandoned. Whilst the magical part of this book blended so well with the real world, which is applaudable, the details on that magical part was not exactly well-written, which sucks for us fantasy lovers.

Other than that... despite this story being character-driven, the main character herself was not so lovable, not in the I-hate-her-so-much way but I-don't-know-her-well-to-love-her way, as everything was written more in 'told' way than 'shown'. Like, I loved Amani's journey towards healing, but not Amani herself, and it was a bit disappointing that we didn't get to learn more about side characters such as Misya, Najmi and the others. This book was written in Amani's POV with other characters' POVs here and there, but those other characters' POV were written in a very rushed way that made them feel very two-dimensional with no lovable or interesting qualities.

With that being said, if this is the first book out of a series, it is a promising one. Especially after reading the short story at the end, I definitely would buy the sequel. Additionally, having read the A/N saying this book was written when she was 18 explains the way this book was written. I am never going to say poorly written because I could never write a book with emotional depth like this book when I was 18. And this book was already this good without proofreading, are you kidding me? You can definitely see the author's growth in the short story, which is why I am so rooting for her and this world.

230321/ if this was a movie - taylor swift

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Though I don't relate to this anymore, I personally think that this is one of the sweetest pieces I've ever written to a person. I haven't feel what I felt when I was writing this piece in a while, and though I don't miss the agony, I sure miss how pure and genuine my feelings were.

I am shamelessly writing my January update post in April, and I have no single care about how late it has been (78 days since 31st January, I googled). I even thought of just making a Quarter 1 of 2025 update, but that would be a long post despite my disappointingly uneventful life. 

Hi, welcome back. I don't know if this will end up being posted; you have no idea how many posts I've been continuously drafting for the past few months. I have been eager to write; writing is in my blood, and it's the only tool that lets me get as much junk out of my mind, but most of the time, I'm busy (surprise) or just not in the mood (shocking). Without further ado, let me get started with my update... before I lose my writing mind zone.

To all of you who have been here since 2014 (though it's very unlikely that anyone from that time is still here), that 13-year-old girl is no longer. She's now 24, living in a whole other city, has a job and is living, albeit unthrivingly. The celebration was... disappointing when you compare it to the previous years, but hey, I'm an adult now, and you can't always have what you want, right? Anywho, grateful! For another year, for my healthy parents and siblings, for my never-ending rizq, Alhamdulillaah. I try to find my tiny bit of happiness these days to survive, and so far, I'm surviving.

I finished a book, and it made me cry and have an existential crisis

Shockingly, I only read three books last year. I, someone who has the ability to read up to 20 books per month. So in January, I vowed to finish reading at least one book, and I did! The said book was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. The book tells a story about a woman who committed suicide, and before she dies for good, her soul goes to a library that lets her live all the lives that could've been, if only she had made different choices in her life. It was very eye-opening, soul-touching, the kind of story that makes you think and paired with Haig's simple yet profound writing, the book left a lasting emotional impact even until this day.

A teeny-tiny-bit-personal update

I had a friendship breakup in January. And if you ever had a breakup, you know it doesn't happen all at once, all of a sudden. The process is gradual, and you sense the changes over time, and in my case, I kind of ignored it when they first happened because I didn't see any reason for the friendship to crack to the point that it got. The massive heartbreak didn't happen until February, but the resentment had been building up for months. Most parts of it were my fault, but I could also feel that our friendship had run its course. I still miss them every single day, but I don't even feel like starting over again for some reason... It's a "I screwed up but what if I screw up again?" thing.

And with that, I end my writing here for now. Let's hope I find the energy and mindspace to write log #2 and log #3. My actual theme for January was hopelessness, as I was in such a deep despair over some stupid shit but we are all about staying hopeful so to end this post, here's a quote from The Midnight Library that I loved: 

Obviously, a LOT has changed over a year. Made new friends, lost some friends, felt feelings I've never felt before, got to know sides of me I didn't really realize were there before, got fooled and know better, and made tons of mistakes. At some point this year, I felt like I grew backwards instead of forward, and I don't think that's good. Some mistakes are necessary to make in your life, to mould you into the person that you are meant to be... but I just think some mistakes are way too big. With that being said, life has been great, God has been treating me so well for the past year but I kind of feel... stuck, hence the title of this post. 

Happy New Year everyone, and with the Chinese New Year vibe still around us, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone who is celebrating. Wishing us all health, wealth and all kinds of wellness for this year. To everyone who is beginning a new journey, whether it's health-related (yes let's lose all that weight!), spiritual-related (especially to my Muslim brothers and sisters), or just totally random things, I wish us all the best. May we achieve everything that we want this year.

When you feel stuck, it's easy to feel like your growth is hindered, every day feels the same, and all the same faces you meet every day start to feel... boring. Or maybe it's just me. Especially when you're living in the middle of nowhere, it's easy to feel this way. Don't get me wrong, I love my small-town life. I love that no matter which junction you turn into this town, you'll never get lost. I love that the 99 Speedmart cashiers in my housing area know and recognize me. And dang it, even the district hospital nurses are starting to recognize me. But if I learned one thing from living in my hometown (which was also a small town) throughout my childhood, it's that when everyone in the town knows you or at least anyone who knows you, it tends to suffocate you. 

I wish to feel excited again this year. Instead of anxiety over what is coming, I wish to feel excited instead. I wish to feel like I'm growing forward instead of backwards. I pray that God etches the courage I need onto my soul to end things that I should and begin a new journey.

Happy New Year again, everyone. Cheers!

Did I ever imagine that I would be typing this as a 23-year-old when I started this blog? Like most other people, no, I didn't. I started writing and posting online when I was 11 (too young, I know!!!) so 23 used to sound so far away from me. I started writing this 2 hours and 32 minutes before I officially turn 23 so I don't actually know how my birthday is going to be. Hypothesis: I'm gonna spend another normal day at work, with possible birthday wishes from my beloved family and friends, and go home to eat the cake I just bought. Update: Another normal day at work, except my department colleague decided to announce to everyone about my birthday by wishing me in our 100+ people WhatsApp group. It was a good birth-month though. So many good wishes and gifts from my friends, which made me feel loved.

The last similar post to this that I wrote was my 17 Lessons by 17 birthday post in 2018, written way before I started uni, and right before I lost my grandfather. I wanted to say that the person who wrote that seems like a totally different person than the person who's writing this post right now... but that doesn't ring true anymore. I'm just a slightly evolved version of her, she's still living somewhere inside me and somehow, it feels good to know that. It feels good to know that I didn't lose myself all the way through when I lost it. 

So these are another 23 lessons I've learned, over the past few years since then:

Seriously don't. It's not worth it. I lost my favourite hijab to this (I'm still using it but the awning is forever damaged RIP).

Certain things can be put into perspective once said out loud. These might be the things you keep repeating over and over and over again in your head making things heavy but once said out loud, they feel lighter and some things might even sound ridiculous to even ponder about.

If they like you back, good for you! If you're rejected, you'll get a closure! Confessing, personally, really built my courage and confidence to get to know people (I got rejected but he was a good man). And in reference to point number 2, sometimes saying things out loud puts things into perspective. You might realize how ready you actually are for an actual relationship once you say your feelings out loud.

I gained so much weight in a year because I consumed 3-in-1s three times a day, five days a week. And then boom! COVID happened and I gained more weight! I lost the weight when I got sick in 2022 but it was such a painful and annoying experience I never wish to go through again so no more 3-in-1s for me.

People evolve. Writings evolve! The Mortal Instruments wasn't the best series per se but The Dark Artifices? Chef's Kiss, 10/10 writing, Julian Blackthorn is one of my favourite morally grey characters. Give someone another chance, I guess, that's the point here.

I personally feel like I won't get to where I am today without my mother's prayers. There is a kind of magic imbued in her prayers, I literally experienced that magic. Strange and good coincidences that happened after her prayers, the fact that I keep getting good things when I've done nothing to ever deserve them... A mother's prayer is indeed her greatest weapon.

In fact, my favourite kind of rizq. I'm somehow always surrounded by people who mean well and are always kind to me. It's especially apparent during my uni years, my internship and even until my working era (life update: I got a job!). Always being able to see the good in people might play into factor, but so far I could just see that everyone who visits my life brought at least one good thing to me.

I used to be obsessed with rainy days because they're simply colder and you have a reason to stay in bed all day during rainy days. Right after COVID though... not anymore. Especially after the major flood occurrences over the past few years, I get worried every time it rains so heavily for a long duration. And knowing that these unexpected rainy day occurrences are because of climate change doesn't make it better.

This is something I'm still continuously learning. As the eldest child especially, I tend to feel like I need to carry everything when I have people that I can trust to carry them together. My brothers might be a bunch of headaches but they are growing to be more reliable day by day.

PEOPLE NEED PEOPLE. I actually need to hear this more as a kid but eh, it's not too late to learn. I used to hate even letting people carry my stuff because I felt like I was being a burden by being slightly dependent even for a few minutes. Once I started allowing myself to be a bit more dependent and accepting that I actually needed it to survive, things felt lighter. Once I accept that there are ears that will listen, shoulders that I can cry on, and hugs I can get for warmth, life feels a bit more liveable.

Put some body soap on the stain and just brush until it's clean THEN only you can let water on it. As a messy and careless person, this tip is a godsend. And why did I only learn this in 2022?! This could save a lot of my clothes.

Don't rush things, the things that are meant for you will find their way to you. Meanwhile, focus on the now, no matter how still you think it is. I assure you, there's still something you can learn amid the stillness. It's okay to not have your life going "go go go" all the time.

I didn't get to graduate first class and for a while, I thought I was such a failure for not being able to graduate first class. And sure, HR might want to find people with higher CGPA but at the end of the day, in working life, I found that what matters more is your willingness to learn and grow.

I don't really remember where I found this quote but it has been one of my favourite quotes for almost a year now. Remembering that I'm very young and still learning how to live makes me breathe more easily. You're just starting out, you can't accomplish a lot of things in such a short time. The most important thing is to learn as much as you can.

There's no use wallowing in self-doubt over every decision that you have made. You made those decisions because Allah moved your heart to do so. What you can do now is try your best in everything and whatever the result is, trust that it's all in Allah's plan and that He has something good in store for you. Every road you have gone and are currently going through is leading you towards something greater.

Especially during this raging genocide against Palestine, I found myself detaching more and more from the worldly stuff I used to love. Musicians, films, stories, and products contribute to the oppressors' side; at first, it was hard to fully break away but these days it's becoming easier. 

It's still hard for me to DNF a book, which is why I created an 'On-Hold' shelf on my Goodreads page, for books I think I want to come back to when the right time has come. However, learning to DNF books has really helped in making my reading experience much more enjoyable.

In fact, mistakes are necessary for us to grow. Don't be scared to do things just because you're afraid you'll make mistakes. A person doesn't become an expert in something in a day. Sometimes you have to learn things the hard way. Just try not to make ones you can't take back.

As a pau lover, this is how I measure how good a pau is (besides the amount of filling). This kind of pau is usually achieved by a tremendous amount of kneading, which is very laborious.

As someone with anxiety, it is very easy to doubt everyone's affection for me and hyper-fixate on slight gestures like late or short text replies, short time together, etc. I'm lucky that everyone's action always proves that I am very loved even though I never actually voice my ridiculous anxious thoughts to them.