I never have any love relationship breakup as I have never been in a relationship with anyone. There, you just know a fact about me. Some people might say "Lucky you" to me but another fun fact about me: I had a lot of friendship breakups. I don't have any ex-boyfriend, but I have tons of ex-best friends. And I think having ex-best friends are more dangerous than ex-boyfriend because they know a lot of secrets of mine. I'll tell you when I change my mind.
I've always dreamed the books and movies kind of friendships. The kind that lasts forever until my hair is gray, my grandchildren know their grandchildren, and we'll die together (wow I'm too ambitious). But here's a fact: they are fictional. In our life, people will always come and go like the wind. I had read somewhere about not being compatible with each other anymore or something like that. Hence the need to come and go.
However, it might be possible to maintain a friendship for a long time if you put a lot of efforts into it. Everything needs some efforts to succeed. I'm not giving the best advice to survive friendship because I don't know what the best advice is. I read a lot of 'how to maintain a friendship' articles and tried a lot of them, but here I am, with a lot of broken friendships behind me. I'm only writing based on my experiences and my observation.
#1: Don't just focus on you.
It is okay to vent our problems and thoughts to our friends, they are our friends for a lot of reasons and this is one of them; we need a listener. However, don't forget that in a friendship, every person involved should be a listener. The point here is, keep the sharing equal. We shouldn't hog the time with only our problems. When they want to talk about something, listen to them. Don't only focus on our life, problems and thoughts, show interest in theirs too.
#2: Don't gossip.
I think that everyone on Earth know this, or at least heard of this.
When we are in a friendship, the other person in the friendship will put their trust on us. We will share a lot of secrets-the good and the bad. We will share personal stories and the stories should be kept within us and never shared with anyone outside of the friendship. Once trust is broken, it will be hard to be gained. Some people never even get the chance to gain it again.
#3: When we face a problem in the friendship, solve it ourselves.
It is okay to talk to anyone (your family, the people you trust) when you're facing a problem in the friendship. But it is not okay at all to ask anyone to solve the problem for us. Not even our family. The one who is in the friendship is us, not anyone. It's not in their place to solve the problem. This will only worsen the situation. Confront our friend and talk it out.
#4: If we don't agree about what they did, talk about it.
Don't backbite our friend for what they did wrong. If we're dissatisfied by something they did, we should confront them instead of talking trash behind them. We should also never leave them when they do wrong. People aren't a pakai buang thing. When they seemed perfect, we stay with them. When they show a lot of imperfections, we should still stay. Life is a journey of becoming a better person each day, and we should try to help them instead of throwing them away. Imagine yourself in their place before you decide to just leave them.
#5: Open our eyes and try to see our mistakes.
Before, when a friendship ends, I would find myself blaming them. Lets face the truth: we had our fair share of mistakes (unless you're always bullied in the 'friendship'). It is really unfair to put the blame on their side if you also did some mistakes in the friendship. When we say that "nobody's perfect", we should realize that everyone else is also a human and they aren't perfect. When they do something wrong, note that we also did something wrong, because we're not perfect. If we're the first one to note this, be the bigger one to say sorry.
The advice I gave weren't the best ones, as I only write them based on what I see and what I experienced in my almost 15 years life. I hope that some friendships in the world can be maintained by these tips. If I can't be the one who has the book/movie kind of long-lasting friendships, you should be the one.
I'm sorry if I wrote something wrong in this entry, but I hope you earned something from here.
Thanks for reading! :)
True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on desert island... to find real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing. - Baltasar Gracian
Lots of love,
Pypaa. xoxo
hey Afifah,first of all,i would like to introduce myself,you may or may not remember me,but i am Anggle Chan Yi Kei,your primary school friend,your past..reading this,tbh bring me soo much memories from our past,aduh still remember our fights,ala besalah kanak2 begaduh ja krja :')..as the clock is ticking,i realize that it's been 4 freaking years since both of us meet,i really trully miss u Afifah,miss calling u "adik" since u r 1 years younger than me *lol*,if umur panjang,kita jumpa lg ah?btw do u still hv my number phone?(still the same dr 2011) contact me :)
ReplyDeleteOf course lah I remember you, you were my best friend! Walaupun banyak kali gaduh, but biasalah tu kan, budak-budak. Will contact you soon, I promise, as soon as I get your phone number back (I lost it when I changed phone).
Delete