a farewell to 2020 (this post might be long, you've been warned)

12.31.2020



The end of 2020 is approaching and wow, how does a year felt so long yet so short? The many things that happened in 2020 made it feel so overwhelmingly long but because I have been staying home for the majority of the time this year, it felt somehow short. During that first wave of COVID, it somehow felt like time froze and we were doing the same constant things over and over again for months but all of us still manage to grow a lot during that time, and continue to grow once things slew down (and in case of Malaysia, skyrocket back).


2020 was supposed to be my normal year. 2018 was a year of pain, 2019 was my year of healing and 2020 was supposed to be the year of me actively doing regular things humans do that I usually didn't the previous years. Instead, I (by that I mean all of us) am presented with this weird year where everything happens but constantly felt like nothing happened. It is something new to all of us and this year brought all these new things to us too. I did things I'm not proud of but I also achieved some things I'm really proud of, learned a bunch of new things and only recently, I finally managed to adapt my usual normal life into this new life with pandemic going around.


things I'm not proud of

Excessive shopping. I'm pretty sure most of us did shop online for things we don't actually really need at some point, but I'm a student and all that money could've been saved for later and I spent them on... WHAT DID I EVEN BUY USING THAT MONEY?! The last few months of 2020 were okay, I managed to slow down my shopping (because the depletion of the money in my bank account, duh) but I really need to learn having a little bit more of self-control.


Idling a lot, procrastinating a lot, not moving around a lot. Especially for the first few months of quarantine when all of us didn't know what the heck was happening, I really was doing nothing. I mostly spent my time on Twitter (which was very very very bad for my mental health) and participate in the negativity going around whilst trying to stay positive (you see why I said it was bad for my mental health). I was too invested in what was happening, the then-current events that I neglected the things that were happening beside me at that time. This then made me uninstall Twitter from my phone since early December and I am doing much better now.


things I achieved!

Dean's List. Semester 2 was so hard, Masya Allah, I really thought I was going to do worse than I did the previous semester. With the new way of learning and the sudden additions of exams, quizzes and assignments, at one point, I was literally crying while doing my assignments. But in the end, Alhamdhulillaah, it was not a waste of tears and time.


Made a lot of new friends online. Right before I started writing this post, I was thinking why oh why it was so hard for me to talk to people online, even harder than to speak to people in real life and then I got it: I'M ACTUALLY MORE COMFORTABLE TALKING TO PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE THAN ONLINE BECAUSE I CAN'T READ THEM PROPERLY OMG THAT'S A BIG DISCOVERY FOR ME LOL. This explains why making online friends is a huge challenge for me, and the fact that I actually went out of my comfort zone and made some internet friends is a huge achievement for me. I did get some burnouts after a few online socializing but I always come back for more and for that, I'm proud of myself.


lessons I learned in 2020

Cancel culture should be cancelled. I'm a nobody on the internet, yet one of my fears is that someday I would wake up with tons of people sending hate to me over things I don't even realize is a mistake. I even had nightmares about this. Bottom line is, as long as we are humans, we're all prone to making mistakes and sinning. Maybe our mistakes are hidden away from the public's eyes and some other people's mistakes aren't. Which brings me to one other biggest lessons that I learned in 2020,


There's always a room for growth in every human. To assume that someone is perfect is an over-expectation but to assume that someone who has done a mistake is purely evil and have no chance to grow is outrageous. I see many people just posting their bad assumptions about some people who were exposed for their mistakes and those bad assumptions, people, as long as they're a mere assumption, will remain a slander. We shouldn't say things we don't have proof or witnessed ourselves, just by doing an online observation whilst not personally knowing the person we're talking about. And even if they actually made some mistakes, know that there is always a room for growth in them and there's a huge chance they're not the same person who made those mistakes anymore... which brings me to the next lesson,


The importance of forgiveness. As I said in my previous points, we're all humans that are prone to making mistakes but also have a huge room for growth. In Dr Basma Abdelgafar's words, God constructed humans as imperfect beings that can always be perfected. Forgiveness is not something very easy to give to someone else especially those who personally hurt us. And I'm not saying that we should force ourselves to forgive either but I'm also not saying that we shouldn't try. Having the intention to start forgiving is enough to kickstart the actual forgiving process. 

    For me personally, this year, I learned that forgiveness that I give is actually for myself. I'm a very unforgiving, resentful person and this year I noticed that those qualities are actually really bad for my mental health. Being unforgiving for me means that I'll relive the pain of those people hurting me and I was unable to sleep at night with peace because of that. I was unable to pay attention to anything and it just sucked, so I've been slowly trying to make peace with my resentments and I can actually feel it working.


Dear 2020,

You sucked. You ruined my plans. You were so weird and it sucked that I needed to get used to you. You ruined a lot of people's lives. I'm grateful that I get to learn a lot of new things because of you. I'm grateful that I got to learn a different kind of normal (more like created a new kind of normal) because of you. So I guess I'm gonna thank you, 2020, for those but you still sucked bad. 


And with that, I wish you all a happy new year! Negativity, illnesses, any bad things are not welcomed, shoo shoo. May 2021 be a better, more exciting year for all of us.

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why my blog is always going to be niche-less

12.10.2020

I've been venturing a lot into several internet stuff in this year (IDK how to say this better but I hope you understand what I meant). I had been more active on my bookstagram account (hey follow me on @nerdbilla to hear me rant about books/tv shows I'm currently consuming more!) compared to the past few years, made some new friends, I had also been more active on my Twitter book/fan account and after a series of venturing into this stuff, I was seriously contemplating to turn this blog to a book blog lol. I was seriously contemplating to move my blog to WordPress and start book-blogging for real.


Since I'm still here, we can see that that didn't happen. Hehe. And after a few months contemplating whether to stay here and book-blog here or move to WordPress and book-blog there, I decided to do none of them. At first, I thought it was because that would be out of my comfort zone and terrified me a bit, which is honestly, true but the real reason I'm staying here is that I realized, I don't actually want to make my blog a book blog. After almost 10 years of blogging (I was a kid for the first few years so I guess this blog was more like a diary than actual blogging and even after I actually started 'blogging' I don't know if those years actually counted), my blog remains niche-less and the closest niche that fits this blog is a lifestyle blog, but I don't even know if that really fits my blog.


The more I think more about my blog's niche, the more stressful blogging sounds when really, the reason this blog ever existed is for me to rant about stuff. As a kid I talked more about the things I hated, the people I resented and less about stuff that I like on this blog and while almost all of my childish immature posts are now safe from other people's eyes, I still want to talk about stuff I like (and I like a lot of things) and some personal musings. And having a niche for my blog, personally for me, will change all of that because I would try to fit in among all great lifestyle blogs and this blog wouldn't feel like me anymore (which honestly, happened a lot of times this year). The other reason is probably that I know that I'm not going to stay committed to my blog if I ever put a limit on top of the boundary I have for what I should post here.


So I decided, with a few of you who are still reading my posts as my witnesses, that this blog will remain niche-less! There is still a probability for me to move my blog to WordPress, though, haha.

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Puteri Bunian Bulan oleh Aliff Mustafa | Ulasan Buku

11.07.2020


BLURB: Alam raya ini bakal menyaksikan perubahan keramat menjelang era pengakhiran akhir zaman. Maka satu per satu khalifah di Nusantara pun mula dibangkitkan. Bukan di alam nyata sahaja, malah di dunia sebelah sana juga.

Ini ialah kisah kelahiran seorang puteri yang suatu hari nanti bakal mengubah status hierarki beraja di seluruh alam. Lahirnya di sebuah pulau dari Pantai Timur Malaysia.

Ini juga kisah seorang putera yang sangat sayangkan maruah umat manusia sehingga sanggup menghancurkan segala-gala dengan bara apinya.

Dua manusia berdarah istimewa ini akan melaga keazaman mereka, kepercayaan mereka, tekad dan raksa kersani mereka demi satu matlamat agung untuk membebaskan tanah kelahiran mereka dari terus jahil di dalam permainan syaitan. Kesudahannya akan membuka mata semua makhluk bernyawa. Mereka ialah bukti hidup yang segala-galanya ada di sekeliling kita!
Kita masih manusia kerana kita mengharungi ujian. Manusia yang hidup tanpa ujian sama sahaja seperti mati, hati tidak akan terasah untuk menghargai. Apabila kita kehilangan sesuatu, kita akan sedar yang kita sayangkan sesuatu tu lebih daripada apa yang kita pernah tahu. Tapi untuk kau, dan juga aku, yang sudah lahir ke dunia ini bersama dengan tanggungjawab untuk menjaga Laila, harus lebih daripada itu. Kita ada amanah, dan kita sanggup mati kerananya.

Tajuk: Puteri Bunian Bulan
Penulis: Aliff Mustafa
Genre: Fantasi, Mitologi Melayu
Rating Goodreads: 4.00
Pages: 401
Penerbitan: 2020 oleh Mahakarya (Imprin Patriots Publishing)
Sumber: Shopee
Format pembacaan: Paperback
Jenis Reviu: Tanpa spoiler
ulasan
⭐⭐⭐⭐


This review was long due, aku habis baca buku ni dalam dua minggu lepas tapi balik-balik tangguh taip reviu buku dan hujungnya, dek kesibukan awal semester, hari ini baru dapat aku ada motivasi dan masa sikit untuk post reviu ini. Sedikit disclaimer, ini reviu buku pertama aku tulis dalam Bahasa Melayu dan post di blog, jadi kalau bunyi janggal sikit, faham-fahamlah ya hehe.

Puteri Bunian Bulan mengisahkan seorang remaja perempuan, Laila Dahlia yang kehidupannya berubah 360 darjah pada malam ulang tahunnya yang ke-17. Buat pertama kalinya, Laila bertemu dengan makhluk ghaib selain hantu, yang mendedahkan kebenaran tentang identiti Laila dan kewujudan kerajaan ghaib yang ada kaitan dengan identiti Laila. Trope ni biasa nampak dalam novel-novel fantasi macam Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, basically majoriti novel fantasi yang aku pernah baca dan penggunaan trope ni dalam Puteri Bunian Bulan tidak kurang hebatnya dengan novel-novel fantasi Bahasa Inggeris yang aku pernah baca. Tambahan lagi sebab cerita ni berkisar tentang cerita mitologi Melayu dan aku sendiri membesar dengan cerita-cerita rakyat yang lebih kurang dengan tema buku ni, rasa macam lebih real dan dekat dengan diri aku sendiri haha. Yang lebih menarik, disebabkan latar masa untuk cerita ni. Bayangkan prosa tradisional yang biasa kita baca dalam KOMSAS Bahasa Melayu dulu-dulu tapi dalam dunia moden. A modern take of Malay traditional prose. Disebabkan aku masih kurang baca novel fantasi Melayu, ini ialah benda baru bagi aku jadi aku rasa cerita ni sangat unik dan menarik.


Gaya bahasa dan olahan cerita oleh penulis tip top. Cerita-cerita tentang makhluk ghaib di Alam Melayu selalunya ditulis dengan gaya naratif macam dalam prosa tradisional yang agak sukar untuk difahami dan perlukan masa dan fokus lebih untuk fahamkan ceritanya dan kenal satu-satu watak yang ada. Tapi, dalam Puteri Bunian Bulan, meskipun gaya penceritaannya bukanlah santai macam novel kontemporari yang selalu aku baca, tetap mudah difahami. Dan yang paling aku suka, mudah faham dan keindahan bahasa masih terserlah dalam penulisan. Teknik penceritaan buat aku tak boleh berhenti membaca dan cerita ni juga penuh dengan aksi, membuatkan aku dapat habiskan lebih separuh buku ini dalam masa sehari. World-building dan sistem magisnya pun mudah difahami, tak pening. Kesalahan tatabahasa dan ejaan yang aku dapat tangkap pun hanya sikit, itu pun bahagian belakang-belakang dan bukan kesalahan major. Aku boleh terima kesalahan sikit-sikit sebab faham yang syarikat yang menerbitkan buku ni bukan syarikat penerbitan yang besar. Malah patut dipuji sebab dengan syarikat kecil pun dapat terbitkan buku berkualiti macam ni, story, editing and writing-wise.

Dan sekarang sampai ke bahagian yang aku paling suka untuk tulis dalam semua reviu aku; tentang watak-watak buku ni. Watak utama buku ni ada dua, Laila Dahlia dan Putera Andika dan bagi aku, both of them are solid main characters. Laila is hands down, salah satu watak utama perempuan yang paling aku suka in my history of reading. Dia sangat bijak merancang strategi dan tak buat keputusan terburu-buru dalam situasi genting, dan ciri-ciri ni hanya kadang-kadang aku nampak dalam watak utama seumur Dahlia (I'm looking at you, Clary Fray). Dia juga ialah seorang yang amat baik, tinggi kepemimpinannya dan penyayang. Putera Andika, watak utama yang kedua, juga sama hebatnya dengan Laila. Walaupun dia lebih agresif dan bertindak lebih teburu-buru berbanding Laila dan nampak macam watak antagonis dalam buku ni, setelah mengenal sisi lain Andika, barulah nampak yang rupanya dia juga salah satu watak protagonis. Andika ada visinya yang tersendiri dan semangatnya untuk mencapai visi tersebut amatlah tinggi. Dia sanggup lakukan apa sahaja untuk capai visi tersebut dan jika Andika ialah watak jahat sebenar dalam cerita ni, dia patut digeruni. Dinamik Laila dan Andika amat menarik, tapi aku tak rasa dan nampak sangat interaksi antara mereka berdua. Chemistry itu sudah ada, it just need to be explored more. Aku ship Laila dan Andika tapi aku tak tahu nak ship both of them as a possible couple or friends haha. But I know that I'm rooting for them as co-leaders! Dengan sikap penyayang Laila dan tekad Andika, they can totally kick their enemies' butt.

That Laila and Andika's fight scene reminded me to one of the fight scenes in Mr & Mrs Smith

Watak-watak sampingan juga solid. Tema kekeluargaan, persahabatan dan percintaan semuanya ada tapi yang paling jelas aku nampak ialah tema persahabatan. Persahabatan antara Salmi dan Laila yang ternyata ada kisah di sebaliknya, persahabatan antara Laila dan Elfa, Laila dan Izma, semuanya ada keunikan sendiri dan aku teruja untuk lihat perkembangannya di novel sekuel.

Another bonus point for this book for how well the relationship between the fantasy element and religious element is done. Elemen fantasi dan keagamaan selalu diasingkan dalam cerita-cerita fantasi Barat sebab lebih selamat untuk tak kaitkan agama langsung dalam cerita fantasi, dan aku selalu tertanya-tanya macam mana pula dengan novel fantasi Melayu, sebab umum sedia maklum yang agama sememangnya sukar dipisahkan daripada mana-mana cerita Melayu, apa lagi cerita-cerita tentang makhluk ghaib. Jika diasingkan, akan terasa sangat ganjil tapi untuk kaitkan juga susah sebab isu agama sangat sensitif dan jika ada satu perkataan yang salah, satu buku boleh salah terus. Tapi buku ni menjawab persoalan aku dengan sangat baik sebab elemen fantasi dan keagamaan digabungkan dengan sangat baik dan tak bercanggah dengan apa yang aku tahu. Novel ni tetap fantasi yang sudah pastinya tak boleh percaya macam benda ni ialah nyata, tapi elemen agama digunakan dengan sangat baik.

Tabik dan tahniah kepada penulis dan semua yang terlibat, berjaya menghasilkan penulisan dan cerita yang unik, menarik dan berkualiti. Tak sabar untuk baca novel seterusnya!



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I just can't finish a book and it's driving me mad

10.24.2020

 


You know how I'm a self-proclaimed book-obsessed nerd? Well, it's not going so well for me in that area. My bookstagram friends are all spending their time breaking their reading challenge records in the middle of this pandemic and I'm so jealous because I just can't seem to finish a book. I HAVE MORE FREE TIME THAN USUAL AND I SHOULD BE READING MORE THAN THIS BUT I JUST CAN'T. I managed to finish my Goodreads 2020 reading challenge and although for some people that's great, my very critical self won't let myself be satisfied with this. I see all these very interesting new books coming, backlisted books that are people are hyping up again and so I add all these new books to my TBR list but none of the books is going to be read soon. TBR SHOULD BE DECREASING OR AT LEAST, THE NUMBER OF BOOKS THAT ARE GETTING IN AND OUT OF THE BOOKS SHOULD BE BALANCED, NOT INCREASING! I'm just very mad at myself.


Listen. I read 60+ books during my SPM year and mind you, my workload back then was very huge, my schedule very packed. I used to read up to 3 books per day and I could finish a whole trilogy in a day. So when I can't seem to finish a book in a day where I have absolutely nothing to do, I get so frustrated. I usually finish a Malay book in less than 5 hours and NOW I CAN'T EVEN FINISH THE MALAY BOOK I STARTED LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO. And I absolutely like this book. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!

I don't think it's a reading slump because my usual reading slump consists of me not being able to understand one word in a book and leading me to not reading at all. But in this current situation of mine, I can read and understand what I read but I get so distracted and I HATE IT. I want to just escape into the other world in the book that I read but I CAN'T SEEM TO ESCAPE REALITY. It's so frustrating. What do you even call this situation? A semi reading slump?

Let me know if you had a similar situation with mine! I would love to know how you get out of this weird situation. 

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5 TV Shows I've Been Obsessing Over In The Past Few Months

9.13.2020

I'm gonna be real with you in this post. For a self-claimed huge book-lover, I watch TV shows more than I read every year. And I really want to say that I watch a lot of educational, beneficial or at least TV shows with meaningful contents but to be honest, my yearly watchlist mainly consists of comedy, teenage dramas, another bunch of comedies, sitcoms and an annual rewatch of Friends. I keep adding TV shows to my Netflix list but to be honest, I'm probably never gonna watch those until I run out of sitcoms to watch and rewatch. And as shown in my TV Time profile I'm ashamed to say that these past few months hadn't been different. Below is the list of my favourites among all the TV shows I have been shamelessly binge-watching:


New Girl

If Friends was my sitcom of the year in 2018, followed with How I Met Your Mother in 2019, New Girl is undoubtedly my sitcom of the year for 2020. AND I never thought there would ever be a day where I said this, but THIS SHOW IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVOURITE SITCOM OF ALL TIME, BEATING FRIENDS.


This show was so much better than Friends in many different ways and although there are some repeated tropes, this show was mostly original or at least in my history of TV, it is. The characters were the most relatable characters I've ever watched in my history of TV and I love all of them with my whole heart. 


Character developments? CHECK. Plot development? CHECK. Originality? CHECK. And one of the things that I really love is that there was no laughing soundtrack so I knew whenever I laugh, it's because I genuinely thought that it is funny lol.




It's Okay to Not be Okay

This show was all the hype in June/July and it deserves all the hype it gets. I cried watching this show countless times. This was one of my anticipated 2020 TV shows and usually, I have the highest expectations for the things I really anticipate. This show, though, didn't just pass my expectation, it was more than what I expected. I love how different it was; mental illness was one of the main themes, with mystery and such a beautiful romance being its other themes. The characters went through such a huge mental growth and by the time the show ended, I couldn't believe how much the characters have grown. And we have all the actors to thank for that!

Dr Romantic, Teacher Kim

This was also a very hyped k-drama a few months back and I agree, it was a very good k-drama. I haven't finished the second season yet but I can say with full confidence that this show will make it into my top 10 TV of the year. I JUST LOVE A GOOD MEDICAL TV SHOW!


I love seeing how dedicated those doctors to their job and oath and seeing them battling with themselves for what's wrong and what's right, although frustrating, was also exciting. It kinda makes me want to be a doctor but I know myself well enough to know that I would not survive even the first year of medical study lol.



Haunting of Hill House

I actually watched this one back in May but I never talked about it besides in my anticipated upcoming TV shows post and I think that it's WAY TOO GOOD TO NOT BE TALKED ABOUT. WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS TV SHOW? Or was I not on the internet when it was hyped up? I rarely see this show come up on Twitter, Instagram and even among my friends!


I'm not a horror fan but this TV show made me into one. I literally binge-watched this in the span of a day when I was also busy baking eid cookies. It's still a wonder to me how did I finish the whole series with full focus when I was baking biscuits or that none of the biscuits I baked that day was burnt lol.


This show was not just horror, it was horror, mystery and family drama combined and although it sounds very average horror TV show, the combination of the three was so good. The horror depended a lot more on the storyline than just jump scares. I can't wait to watch the second season!



A Piece of Your Mind


I initially started to watch this because of the main actors, Chae Soo-bin whose dramas I watched before and adore so much and Jung Hae-in which I adore mainly because he's cute and the exact physical depiction of my type. 


Once I started watching it, though, I couldn't shut up about it in my Whatsapp status (rip my mutual contacts) because it was just so gosh darn good.



It was about traumas, relationships and how all those relationships helped them to grow and find ways to heal. I highly appreciate the mental illness representations in this one (can we talk about how amazing it is that there are more and more mental illness representations in k-dramas these days), especially because I watch it during my mental health was in an all-time low.


honourable mentions: when the devil calls your name, the umbrella academy s2

still watching: that '70s show, family reunion, peaky blinders, glee


Do you have any TV show that surprises you in a good way in the past few months?

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3 months long hiatus reading update

9.05.2020

My first catch-up post would, of course, be my reading update. With the number of bookish posts I posted for the last few months, I may as well turn my lifestyle blog into a book blog. Nah I'm not gonna have a fixed niche, that would be too much pressure on my lol. It was an undoubtedly three slow reading months because of all the assignments and exams and classes we needed to cover but I managed to read 7 books, which are better than zero! I also managed to complete my Goodreads reading challenge (40 books this year) which is an accomplishment I look forward to each year. I actually thought of increasing my reading challenge to 50 books but since my semester starting again in October, I want to read books with no pressure at all with this one remaining month.

the 7 books I managed to finish during my hiatus:

My Calamity Jane by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton & Jodi Meadow
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5
Remarks: After my medium feeling about My Plain Jane, I didn't have a high expectation for this one. In fact, I accepted the fact that My Lady Jane would be my favourite book out of the three because I know that the era that My Lady Jane sets in is my favourite era. So, the fact that I liked My Calamity Jane was actually surprising to me and I'm delighted that it surprised me!


The Girl and the Ghost by Hanna Alkaf
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Remarks: Just like her previous book, this book was unapologetically Malaysian and it was really nice to see a Malaysian representation in Middle-Grade. It is a story about a girl who's only friend was a pelesit (a kind of ghost in Malay mythology) that she inherited from her witch grandmother and made a haunting read that gave me chills the whole time I was reading it. Accompanied by the author's beautiful writing and friendship as the main theme, this was a very heartwarming read for me. If you're interested in knowing more, here's my review of this book.


The Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐|⭐⭐⭐⭐|⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Remarks: If last year was my Cassandra Clare year in terms of my bookish year, this year is definitely Rick Riordan's. After finishing Percy Jackson & the Olympian and Heroes of Olympus series, I just couldn't get enough of his stories in my system. I tried starting Trials of Apollo but I was tired of reading about Greek Mythology (watching Greek gods screw up, again and again, does get tiring after ten books) so I opted for The Kane Chronicles and guys, it was a very enjoyable read. I grow up reading stories of pharaohs so it was really interesting to see how Riordan make those stories his own.


A Lonely Girl is a Dangerous Thing by Jessie Tu
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐
Remarks: I was trying to diversify my read and this was the first book that came up in my recs and so without reading the synopsis and just looking at the author's name, I decided to read this book. IT WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. It was about a woman who sought validation through intimate relationships and the premise seemed very promising at first. I wanted to see how her character grows past that and to be honest, the ending didn't achieve what I wanted to see. It felt like the author had so many messages to include in this book but couldn't express everything she wanted with words (?). 

Something to Howl About by Christina Warren
My rating: ⭐⭐
Remarks: I was sent a digital review copy by the publisher a few years ago and I wasn't planning to read this book ever because I read the first one and the story wasn't for me. I love the world, I mean come on, multiple types of shapeshifters living in a town? That is an amazing idea. However, the story focused too much on the romance and the romance was so physical and too much alpha male-ish which isn't the type of romance that I like. I only read this one because I'm planning to finish all the eARCs I ever got lol.
books I'm currently reading:

Bridge of Clay by Markus Zusak
Progress (by September 1st 2020): 39%
Remarks: I'll be honest, I was expecting something The Book Thief-ish when I bought this book. Everyone kept saying that this book is disappointing but I'm stubborn and was curious to see what I think about this book. The first few 100 pages were boring, I admit. It gets better when you get to page 150 or so, at least for me it did. Penelope Dunbar's chapters were definitely my favourite, seeing those are the one with historical fiction elements.

Gantung by Nadia Khan
Progress (by September 1st 2020): 26%
Remarks: I seriously need to finish this book, I believe the last time I continued reading this was in May. I keep putting off to continue my read because the ghosts are creepy and I'm a chicken. This book was a real hype during my secondary school years and it deserves all the hype it gets. Even 26% in, I can see why everyone says it's good. It's so different compared to all other Malay books I read.


The Hidden Oracle by Rick Riordan
Progress (by September 1st 2020): 30%
Remarks: It's so fun seeing Apollo panicking because he's a mortal (maybe) now. Greek gods are annoying and it's nice to see one of them in a vulnerable state. I would love to see Zeus cursed into being a mortal or something because he's the most annoying but seeing Apollo that way is good enough.


The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater
Progress (by September 1st 2020): 66%
Remarks: By the time this post is up on the blog, I'm most probably going to be finished with this book already. It's nice to reread and see all the Easter eggs that are so obvious but I missed before and most of all, it's really nice to see the characters that I love so much after so long. I'm rereading this before continuing with Call Down the Hawk because I feel obligated to do so hahaha but I'm actually really invested with the story because I forgot like 30% of the story already.



reading plan for September:

○Finish a few more ARCs. I won't specify which books I want to because every time I list my TBR, I ended up reading the book like 2 years later due to my unknown internal issue. 

○Finish rereading The Raven Cycle and start reading Call Down the Hawk.

○Finish all the books in my currently reading list on Goodreads.

○Get to 50 books (?).


How about you guys? Do you mind sharing your reading plan or TBR for September?
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The Girl and the Ghost by Hanna Alkaf | eARC Review

9.04.2020

BLURB: I am a dark spirit, the ghost announced grandly. I am your inheritance, your grandmother’s legacy. I am yours to command.

Suraya is delighted when her witch grandmother gifts her a pelesit. She names her ghostly companion Pink, and the two quickly become inseparable.

But Suraya doesn’t know that pelesits have a dark side—and when Pink’s shadows threaten to consume them both, they must find enough light to survive . . . before they are both lost to the darkness (Goodreads).
I am a dark spirit, the ghost announced grandly. I am your inheritance, your grandmother’s legacy. I am yours to command.
Title: The Girl and the Ghost
Author: Hanna Alkaf
Genre: Middle Grade, Paranormal, Horror
Goodreads rating: 4.38
Pages: 288
Publication: August 4th 2020 by HarperCollins
Source: Edelweiss
Reading Format: Kindle
Standalone/Series: Standalone
Get this book at: Book Depository | Amazon | Kinokuniya | mphonline | Google Books
Review type: Non-spoilery
review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Happy 1 Month to this book! Thank you to Hanna Alkaf and Edelweiss for sending me a digital review copy. I actually pre-ordered the paperback version from Book Depository but it usually takes a month or more for the parcel to arrive at my address and I was really anticipating this book so when the author opened a Google Form for eARC request, I couldn't help but submit a request. I got the digital copy about 4 days after my request but due to the exams and assignments that were piled up that day, I decided to delay my read. Besides, I wanted to be able to focus on this book and this book only when I read it because I knew it would be a very enjoyable read.

With that said, The Girl and the Ghost were more than just an enjoyable read. THAT ENDING THAT ENDING THAT ENDING. Was I the only person who didn't anticipate that ending? Am I that oblivious? Well if I am, thank God I'm oblivious because that ending was very impactful for me. The heartbreak, the bittersweet feeling; you would never think a middle-grade book could affect you that way. This would've been my favourite book if I read it as a child.

As a Malaysian myself, I had no trouble imagining Suraya's world. In fact, the story sounded too real for me that it literally crept me up. I had chills the whole time I was reading it. I kept thinking about all those Malay horror movies I watched before. At first, I thought that the theme of this book was too dark for a child to read but then I think about how the first Harry Potter book was just as dark and if that was okay then this book would be more than okay for middle-grade children to read. Worry not, it wasn't dark for like the whole book, it wasn't scary the whole time, there were some funny moments, warm moments, sad moments. It would be quite monotonous if it's just scary the whole time. This story was full of life despite its dark theme, very engaging and I couldn't take my eyes off my screen. 


With friendship being the key theme of this book, it brings the reader along through a journey of friendship between Suraya and Pink, a pelesit that Suraya inherited from her grandmother. Pink was Suraya's only friend since she was 5 and everything went okay between them until one day when Suraya befriend Jing Wei. Pink was not her only friend anymore and that sparked a fit of jealousy, which significantly affected their friendship. This book shows love, jealousy and forgiveness between two friends. I was also obsessed with Suraya and Jing Wei's friendship. I love how pure their friendship was, I love how they not just tolerated but also believed each others' stories and went through great lengths to support each other.
But when she looked back on the moment she met Jing Wei, she would say that, much like the little boy made of wood, this was the moment that she felt like she became real.
With only 288 pages, I got a lot of important messages from this book. It's magical that a book this short can contain a story with a fantastic plot, characters with great character development and also such important messages. If I could give this book more than 5 stars, I would. Although my review is way past the due date, it can't be said how thankful I am that I was given the chance to have an eARC of this book.

Recommended for people who love: Malay mythology/superstition, a girl who's a friend with ghost, horror stories, a beautiful friendship
about the author
Ever since graduating with a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, Hanna Alkaf has worked as a copywriter in online B2B marketing, a senior writer at a major fashion & lifestyle magazine, and a communications manager at a non-profit organization in education. She’s written everything from profiles to press releases, from corporate annual reports to long-form investigative features, from social media posts to email newsletters, and her work has appeared in the Malaysian iterations of Marie Claire, Esquire, Shape, Female, Her World, and more.

Hanna has lived in Malaysia her entire life except for the six years she spent studying and working in and near Chicago. She currently lives near Kuala Lumpur with her husband and two children, and attempts to write books while juggling her never-ending to-do list (this works on some days better than others).

Her critically-acclaimed debut Young Adult novel, THE WEIGHT OF OUR SKY, was published in February 2019 by Salaam Reads, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. Her debut Middle Grade novel, THE GIRL & THE GHOST, was published by HarperCollins in August 2020, and she is also part of the MG anthology ONCE UPON AN EID. Her next novel is the YA murder mystery QUEEN OF THE TILES, set at a Scrabble tournament in Malaysia (Hanna Alkaf's website). Photo by Lim Eng Lee.
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I'M BACK + a short rant about blogging

8.31.2020

If you managed to read this post, it means I finally have the mental energy to actually finish writing this. Hi! My last post was posted about 3 months ago, and wow that was such a long time ago. So many things happened since then. The biggest reason I paused blogging was that I resumed my second semester on June and my lecturers just dropped a whole bunch of assignments to finish with very limited time, and I decided to just focus on my studies. The semester was a literal roller-coaster ride, I had a few nervous breakdowns throughout finishing the semester, but I survived everything, and I'm here now, so that's what matters the most, folks!

During my hiatus, I've been thinking a lot about this blog. Before getting into that, wow this new Blogger interface is looking pretty good. Not many have changed besides the design and a few improvements for the writing experience but it's better than the last interface. I had been active in my bookstragram account before June and most of my friends there blog on WordPress and that made me want to move my blog, NOT BECAUSE I HAVE A FOMO but mainly because I want to be able to interact more with my friends. On the other hand, after getting to know how blogging WordPress a little bit, blogging on Blogger feels a bit boring. Maybe it's because I've been blogging here for about 9 years and nothing is really exciting for me anymore. But your girl here is too attached to Blogger, very much in love with her current Blogger theme and is actually a lazy person so moving to WordPress might not happen even after this year ends lol, we'll see.

I actually want to do my usual catch up post (read: august 2019 | september 2018 | may 2018) but I want to try something new by breaking it into a few posts so we'll see if I have the energy to write those. But for now, this is it for a little life update.

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Upcoming TV Shows I'm Anticipating To Watch!

6.06.2020

Since quarantine started, I had been binge-watching tons of TV shows non-stop. I planned on pausing my Netflix subscription back in March but RMO happened and the subscription stayed until now. I had been procrastinating to do all my works so I'm currently pausing my subscription to focus on finishing all of my assignments. Nonetheless, the Netflix subscription is definitely going to come back as soon as I'm done with everything and I have so many upcoming TV shows I'm really excited to watch soon! Okay most of them are new seasons for TV shows I watched in the past but still!

The Umbrella Academy S2
Date of release: July 31st 2020

What's this TV show is about: 7 children were taken when they were just born and all of them had superpowers, except the child Number 7. Fast forward to when they were all adults, Number 5 was missing for years by then, one of the other children was dead, another one kept trying to escape his reality by doing drugs and Number 7 was still superpower-less. They were all separated but apocalypse was coming and they needed to get together to prevent it.

Remarks: I had so much fun watching The Umbrella Academy last year! People around Tumblr kept mentioning the TV show and one day, I just decided to download all the episodes and binge-watched it.

It's Okay Not To Be Okay
Date of release: June 22nd 2020

What's this TV show is about: Starring Kim Soo-Hyun and Seo Ye-Ji, this is a story about a man employed in a psychiatric ward and a woman, with an antisocial personality disorder, who is a popular writer of children's books (AsianWiki).

Remarks: I've never watched any k-drama starring Kim Soo-Hyun, I only watched a few episodes of Save Me starring Seo Ye-Ji and I probably should watch more shows with these two but the teaser for this drama was so intriguing. It looks sad and tragic and that's the kind of TV shows I'm currently really digging for.


The Haunting of Hill House S2 (The Haunting of Bly Manor)
Date of release: 2020 (To be announced)

What's this TV show is about: The plot alternates between two timelines, following five adult siblings whose paranormal experiences at Hill House continue to haunt them in the present day, and flashbacks depicting events leading up to the eventful night in 1992 when the family fled from the mansion (Wikipedia).

Remarks: The synopsis above is for the Season 1 and I loved the first season so much. As a scaredy-cat, I never pegged myself as someone who would love a horror TV show. I love watching horror movies with my family and friends but I managed to watch the first season of this show alone in the span of a day. This TV show was more than just another horror TV show. I loved the drama and how each of them who were all separated finally came together to fight the house as a family again.

Arthdal Chronicles S2
Date of release: To be announced

What's this TV show is about: In a mythical land called Arth, the inhabitants of the ancient city of Arthdal contend with power struggles, while some encounter love along the way. Eun-seom goes through hardships to bring his tribe back to life and learns of his true origins in the process (Wikipedia).

Remarks: Besides that Song Joong-Ki and Kim Ji-Won starred in this, I was also intrigued by the fact that this was the first historical Korean TV show that isn't set in Goryeo. As soon as I watched the first episode, I fell in love with the TV show. I love the political and the magical aspect and I also love that it questions what's really considered right and wrong.

Fan art poster by @IconicNephilim
Shadow And Bone S1
Date of release: To be announced

What's this TV show is about: It's not released yet but it's based on the famous Grishaverse book series which I conveniently wrote reviews on: Shadow and Bone Trilogy | Six of Crows Duology

Remarks: This is my most anticipated TV show, actually. It's based on one of my favourite fantasy series of all time and the casting are top-notch (hello, Ben Barnes the Prince Caspian?). I'm so excited about this TV show and cannot wait to watch it.
I have a lot more TV shows that I'm really anticipating to watch but I'll save some for some other posts later lol.

What is the TV show that you cannot wait to watch? Comment below!
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Saints and Misfits by S.K. Ali | Book Review

5.30.2020






BLURB: There are three kinds of people in my world:

1. Saints, those special people moving the world forward. Sometimes you glaze over them. Or, at least, I do. They’re in your face so much, you can’t see them, like how you can’t see your nose.

2. Misfits, people who don’t belong. Like me—the way I don’t fit into Dad’s brand-new family or in the leftover one composed of Mom and my older brother, Mama’s-Boy-Muhammad. Also, there’s Jeremy and me. Misfits. Because although alliteratively speaking, Janna and Jeremy sound good together, we don’t go together. Same planet, different worlds. But sometimes worlds collide and beautiful things happen, right?

3. Monsters. Well, monsters wearing saint masks, like in Flannery O’Connor’s stories. Like the monster at my mosque. People think he’s holy, untouchable, but nobody has seen him under the mask. Except me (Goodreads).

Some people have nice-looking husks with nothing inside. Some people have dried husks but there's fruit and even a nice kernel in there.

Title: Saints and Misfits
Author: S.K. Ali
Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Realistic Fiction, Romance
Goodreads rating: 3.80
Pages: 328
Publication: 2017 by Simon & Schuster
Source: Popular Bookstore
Book links: Book Depository | Amazon | Google Books | Kinokuniya | Scribd
Reading format: Paperback 
Review type: Non-spoilery
review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is one of those books that I already read a few times in the past few years, is one of my favourite books of all time, and yet haven't posted a single thing about it besides a mention in a reading update post. I remember reading this in 2017 literally a day before my English SPM paper and I never regretted doing so because the impact this book had on a teenage me was very huge. It affected my reading preferences and my view on a lot of things and that is why I'm posting the review of this book on my blog, although I can never do justice to this book.

There were so many important issues that were tackled in this book; sexual assault, the dismantling of the idea that "all Muslims must be perfect" and that someone who looks religious outwardly are all good inwardly and one's relationship with their faith and religion. I did not expect all of these. I was only expecting a simple cute romance with a Muslim representation, which this book was and also was not (that doesn't make sense but you'll get me if you read this).

In 2017, as a teenage Muslim girl myself, I relate a lot to Janna, the main character. She experienced the typical teen girl struggles such as body image and boys problems as well as other religion-related struggles such as her faith, relationship with the hijab and the Muslim community around her. Although we were not in the same surrounding, with a quite different upbringing, my struggles as a teenage girl were similar to her and that was why I had such a good experience reading this book the first time. However, having read this book another two times afterwards, I can say with absolute certainty that even an almost-adult me can also relate to her, especially when it comes to the religious stuff. Janna is one of those book characters I wish every teenager to know, especially Muslim girls like myself because I felt so seen when I read her story. She made bad decisions and was able to learn from them and be better. She grew from someone who was scared to tell people around her about what happened to her to this brave person that was able to face her assaulter and stand up for herself. 

I also really loved the way it was discussed that someone who appears good and pious in front of the public is not necessarily good, hiding their misdoings behind the name religion, that not everyone is as perfect as they seem. It's very true to my experience. The way the sexual assault was handled in this book was also done very well, we could see how Janna slowly dealt with it and I also loved the way it was handled by the adults after the truth was discovered, showing Janna's massive support system.  

There were also familial and friendship themes in the book, which was executed perfectly. This book featured an adorable brother-sister relationship between Janna and her brother, their relationship with their untypical Muslim father, and Janna's friendship with Tatyana and Mr Ram, which was non-Muslim as well as her blooming friendship with the other Muslims; Perfect Sarah, Sausun and Nuah. Each friendship brought out different lessons, which were all equally important and all of these characters had very important roles in Janna's character development as well as the flow of the storyline, which is hard to do in just 328 pages.

And I think by this very imperfect review, you can see that this is not the typical Muslim-girl-falls-in-love-with-a-cute-non-Muslim-boy story, but so much more than that.

Recommended for people who want: accurate representation of Muslim community, a relatable and fun-to-know main character, important and cute friendships, a coming-of-age Muslim realistic fiction AND MORE. I recommend it to everyone, basically.
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The Ghost Bride by Yangsze Choo | Book Review

5.18.2020

BLURB: Seventeen-year-old Li Lan lives in 1890s Malaya with her quietly-ruined father, who returns one evening with a proposition - the fabulously wealthy Lim family want Li Lan to marry their son. The only problem is, he's dead. After a fateful visit to the Lim mansion, Li Lan finds herself haunted not only by her ghostly would-be suitor, but also her desire for the Lims' handsome new heir. At night she is drawn into the Chinese afterlife - a world of ghost cities, paper funeral offerings, monstrous bureaucracy and vengeful spirits. Enlisting the help of mysterious Er Lang, Li Lan must uncover the secrets of the ghost world - before she becomes trapped there forever (Goodreads).
The problem with the dead was that they all wanted someone to listen to them.

Title: The Ghost Bride
Author: Yangsze Choo
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Paranormal, Romance, Fiction
Goodreads rating: 3.78
Pages: 390
Publication: August 1st 2013 by Hot Key Books
Source: Popular Bookstore
Reading Format: Paperback
Standalone/Series: Standalone
Review type: Non-spoilery
review
⭐⭐⭐⭐

This book is set in 1890s Malaya, to be exact in Malacca, during the early years of British colonialism and being a Malaysian, I learned about this era in history class in secondary school and it was one of my favourite eras to learn about. Although the historical aspect was not the main focus of this book, the fact that it was set during that era really appealed to me; it was the main reason I really wanted to read this and gratefully, this book didn't disappoint at all. I read this book for the historical aspect but I got served with a fantasy, paranormal, romance in addition to the historical aspect! Chinese superstition was the main focus of this book and growing up watching classic Chinese movies, I knew a little bit about this so I wasn't confused about world-building at all. In fact, learning all these new things was a very exciting experience for me.
We Chinese did not like to give or receive certain gifts for superstitious reasons: knives, because they could sever a relationship; handkerchiefs, for they portended weeping; and clocks, as they were thought to measure out the days of your life.
Barely seventeen, I think Li Lan was a mature girl for her age. She was brave, very considering of her family situation and although she sometimes annoyed me when she swooned over one of the male characters in this book, she was still a likeable character. As she ventures out into the journey of finding the truth about the death of her dead supposed-to-be suitor and how to get rid of his ghost, I could vividly feel her anxiety and fear. The pacing of her story was quite slow (I wouldn't recommend this book for someone who loves plot-driven books) but it worked for me because I know that all the world-building and characters introduced would be crucial for the ending. Plus, the book was written with really beautiful prose and imagery so I didn't mind it being slow.
The Chinese considered the moon to be yin, feminine and full of negative energy, as opposed to the sun that was yang and exemplified masculinity. I liked the moon, with its soft silver beams. It was at once elusive and filled with trickery, so that lost objects that had rolled into the crevices of a room were rarely found, and books read in its light seemed to contain all sorts of fanciful stories that were never there the next morning.
What I wasn't really fond of about this book was how very few the scenes featuring Er Lang was😂 Even from the very beginning, I already knew that he was my type hehe. Instead, I only got to see him in a few scenes in the second half of the book. I know he's supposed to be mysterious but come on, author, I just wanted a little bit more of him!

Recommended for people who love: beautifully written book, breathtaking imagery, Chinese superstition, mythology, 1890s Malaya.
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