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| A literal presentation of how I was doing, mentally, in 2021. (credit) |
It's the 8th of January by the time I'm writing this, and I think it's not too late to say a happy new year to all of you! I haven't been posting a lot on this blog and to be honest, I don't know when I will start posting regularly again. I miss writing, planning it and the thrill of everything, hopefully, everything in my life will ease off sooner so I can get back on blogging.
2021, for me, was a roller-coaster that was going downhill with only tiny ups. I wanted to improve on so many things, I wanted to learn a lot of things but because everything was going downhill, I could only focus on surviving. It was not the worst year of my life, but it sure was the loneliest year and one of the hardest years.
In 2021, I started living alone for the first time, managing the house, paying bills and everything and I got to say, adulting is freaking hard. I was also busy with studying, doesn't have any transportation option except for Grab (which is freaking expensive), still paranoid of COVID-19 so I didn't get to go out a lot or even virtually socialize with my friends (we were all busy). For the first 3 months living alone, I felt like I was going insane. The only things that kept me sane were sitcom shows🙂
Losing interest in what I was studying due to a massive burnout certainly didn't help either. My life mission for the first 7 months of 2021 was just to survive, and that included my study. And the result was... well, obviously, not great. I had a week and a half of breakdown right after I got my result for the semester. I blamed myself again and again, but at the same time, I was aware that I did great just by surviving.
Only when my semester break started that I had the time to process everything that happened since the end of 2020; living alone, how fucked up my social life had been since COVID started, my study burnout. It was a hard but very necessary process for me to continue my life and my third year of study, carrying pieces of baggage that were piled up for months would not help in me trying to grow.
Despite my failures and not so much improvement in parts I wanted to improve, I'm still thankful that I survived everything. Things were so hard for me for months but the fact that I still woke up every day to take care of myself. I tried, I tried and I tried to live better and maybe the impacts of what I did were not as big as I intended them to be, I still tried and that's enough. I can keep trying and maybe someday soon, I'll see the positive results I want to.
And I hope that if you also feel like you didn't achieve much last year, you do know that survival alone is an achievement and we should be proud of ourselves. May 2022 be the year where, if not everything goes as we plan it to be, at least some of our plans can be done successfully. Happy new year!
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| Sending you a virtual hug because you did great in 2021! (credit) |
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