2025 log #1: birthmonth, i think i might love jang ki-yong

I am shamelessly writing my January update post in April, and I have no single care about how late it has been (78 days since 31st January, I googled). I even thought of just making a Quarter 1 of 2025 update, but that would be a long post despite my disappointingly uneventful life. 

Hi, welcome back. I don't know if this will end up being posted; you have no idea how many posts I've been continuously drafting for the past few months. I have been eager to write; writing is in my blood, and it's the only tool that lets me get as much junk out of my mind, but most of the time, I'm busy (surprise) or just not in the mood (shocking). Without further ado, let me get started with my update... before I lose my writing mind zone.

I turned 24!

I haven't cried on my birthdays since 2022 but I broke my streak this year and cried a whole week. This picture was taken on my birthday dinner when I was trying not to cry.

To all of you who have been here since 2014 (though it's very unlikely that anyone from that time is still here), that 13-year-old girl is no longer. She's now 24, living in a whole other city, has a job and is living, albeit unthrivingly. The celebration was... disappointing when you compare it to the previous years, but hey, I'm an adult now, and you can't always have what you want, right? Anywho, grateful! For another year, for my healthy parents and siblings, for my never-ending rizq, Alhamdulillaah. I try to find my tiny bit of happiness these days to survive, and so far, I'm surviving.

I fell in love... with Jang Ki-Yong

It has been a while since I've watched The Atypical Family, but I still clearly remember how much I loved it. I loved the storyline, the growth of each character, how the main character slowly found her way to the family's heart, and how both families in the story slowly grew on each other. Stories about family have always been my cup of tea. However, my favourite thing about this show was Bok Gwi-Ju's (Jang Ki-Yong's character) growth and healing progress, and how that affected his relationship with his daughter. I have always loved characters who are fathers who grow better for their children. In addition to that, Jang Ki-Yong was oozing with handsomeness. What a win it was to watch this show.

I finished a book, and it made me cry and have an existential crisis

Shockingly, I only read three books last year. I, someone who has the ability to read up to 20 books per month. So in January, I vowed to finish reading at least one book, and I did! The said book was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. The book tells a story about a woman who committed suicide, and before she dies for good, her soul goes to a library that lets her live all the lives that could've been, if only she had made different choices in her life. It was very eye-opening, soul-touching, the kind of story that makes you think and paired with Haig's simple yet profound writing, the book left a lasting emotional impact even until this day.

A teeny-tiny-bit-personal update

I had a friendship breakup in January. And if you ever had a breakup, you know it doesn't happen all at once, all of a sudden. The process is gradual, and you sense the changes over time, and in my case, I kind of ignored it when they first happened because I didn't see any reason for the friendship to crack to the point that it got. The massive heartbreak didn't happen until February, but the resentment had been building up for months. Most parts of it were my fault, but I could also feel that our friendship had run its course. I still miss them every single day, but I don't even feel like starting over again for some reason... It's a "I screwed up but what if I screw up again?" thing.

And with that, I end my writing here for now. Let's hope I find the energy and mindspace to write log #2 and log #3. My actual theme for January was hopelessness, as I was in such a deep despair over some stupid shit but we are all about staying hopeful so to end this post, here's a quote from The Midnight Library that I loved: 

We only need to be one person.

We only need to feel one existence.

We don't have to do everything in order to be everything, because we are already infinite. While we are alive we always contain a future of multifarious possibility.

P.S. If you have been my reader for some time, I know you can sense the hopelessness of this post, and I'm sorry for that. It's April and I am still a bit in despair. I wanted to write, even if it's only about on-the-surface things. I just... need to find my way to the things I love because I haven't been feeling like myself lately.